In the before-time, when I was but a lowly high-school student, the tuckshop at my high school sold Custard Squares. They were delicious: the icing was just right, the pastry was of the correct consistency, and the custard was at the optimum point between liquid and rock. They wobbled as you held them, and it was possible to eat one without having to wipe custard off yourself afterwards.

Many years later, the supply of custard squares in Wellington is at an all-time low. Most bakeries don't sell them, and when you can find one it's often a poor example of the cuisine. The squares that are available tend to have awful pastry, icing, or custard -- and usually, at least two of them are wrong. Therefore I have taken it upon myself to go forth and find the perfect custard sqaure.

We start our journey at the closest place I could find to work that sells them: Mr Bun in Cuba St. The closer Mr Bun on the corner of Taranaki St and Manners St didn't have any. But the array of high sugar foods at Cuba St was vast. I could combine my custard square with a chocolate fudge ball and some lemon meringue pie. Casting my fears of the quality of this food aside, I made my order, and took this banquet back to my office for consumption.

Unfortunately my fears were realised. The lemon meringue pie was awful, the fudge ball was too doughy. And the custard in the custard square was insufficiently firm. Any pressure on the pastry pieces caused it to squeeze out, which tends to coat any item near the square with custard. Unfortunately, to eat a custard square you must apply pressure to the pastry sheets -- and then the custard goes everywhere. Also the custard itself tasted really awful -- I don't know how they managed it.

So Mr Bun wins on location, but loses on custard square. I'm going to have to look further afield.